Pass the Heresy Please

Hi god! There are a bunch of us that have come to give you a better insight as to how things should be done. We came to help you determine what is acceptable to us. We are here to show you the wisdom of “The Smorgasbord”. We are here to let you know that religion should be about what we like so we can all have that we desire. After all, who needs to be encumbered with narrowness and lack of variety?

Oh, you agree with us you say. Great! Hey god, How about a portion of a Lesbian Priest and Homosexual Bishop. And if it isn’t too much, how about a spat of “What’s in it for me?” and a lot of “Self Glorification”. Just think about all the possibilities of selection. Something for everybody! We come to you god because we’re really hungry. Would you please give us an extra plate of “Personal Prosperity and Easy Believism”. Yum Yum This stuff sure is good!

Thank you so much god for all this diversity. Ever since some of the Dr.’s of theology and liberals realized the Bible wasn’t the inspired Word of God and that Jesus isn’t the only way to heaven, more and more people will delight in the smorgasbord. After all, the idea of sin and judgment is no longer in vogue. That holiness stuff is a real drag. We would rather save ourselves and express our spirituality in our own way. Hey god, got any Crystals in the selection?

What a great smorgasbord you laid out for us god. It really makes us feel so good about ourselves. We used to feel guilty about the stuff that was fed to us. All that “You must be born again” and death to self “ talk. We don’t like those preachers that speak of sacrifice, servant-hood, and fellowshipping in Christ’s sufferings. However, we do love these new milk toast preachers that won’t speak the hard things. We have some of the best comedians and storytellers right behind the pulpit. After all, it’s a lot more entertaining and more people will come. We need those preachers that emphasize getting and not giving. Nothing like personal prosperity! We all know that love makes the world turn around, but god, lets be for real, it’s money that greases the axle.

Hey god, we want to thank you for the fine diverse smorgasbord. It is only proper to thank the chef for such delicacies. Thanks god! But wait a minute. You don’t look like God. There’s something about you that seems a little unusual, but we just can’t put our fingers on it. As a matter of fact, our stomachs are starting to feel a little queasy. What’s that you say? You have a special solution of Kool-aid that will solve the problem? Great, give us some.

(If you don’t get the Kool-aid line, look up Jim Jones on the internet)

II Tim. 4:3 For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 5 But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry